4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
