i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
