3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I AM VODKA MAN
In other news, I just burned my penis
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
