john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
