gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
