i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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