Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
