Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
