first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize