im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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