can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
