Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
