just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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