i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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