Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
