Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
