just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
