Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
