what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
