why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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