You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
