textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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