I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize