My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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