You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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