Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
