How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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