I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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