She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
