i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.