its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
