I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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