Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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