some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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