All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
