help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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