if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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