so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
