haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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