I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
