Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
