Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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