he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
