I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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