saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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