I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
