i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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