I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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