mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
