Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
