i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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