Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
