Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
