I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
