I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
