just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
