What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
