I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
