kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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