OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
