is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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