i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
