I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
