i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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