Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
