whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
