I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
