we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
