I am in a vortex of obligation.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
