he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
