Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize