Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
