fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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