Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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