I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
