Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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