i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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