i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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